ACCEPTING YOUR REFLECTION
It has taken me my whole existence so far to come to the realisation that life is a series of mirrors presented to us through other people and experiences. To show us who we really are or who we are capable of being. In our younger years we don’t see this. We look at life with blinkers on but at some point (for me it was in my early 40’s) the realisation came that these people, moments, experiences etc were mirrors reflecting back at me what I was familiar with and also what I didn’t like about myself. They have been an opportunity for me to get to know myself and to develop and grow into the person I have become.
When I started writing this blog, I wanted to express what I have discovered. This realisation that every experience and every person who has come into my life has brought with them a reflection of a part of me, whether it is one I recognise and agree with or one that is foreign and I don’t currently embrace. Regardless which type of reflection is presented, it has all been a part of me that has needed to be acknowledged, accepted and owned in order to become my most authentic self. Essentially it is about self-love.
Through my research I found an article by Tania Kotsos entitled Everyone is Your Mirror – The Greatest Relationship Secret. It’s an article that explains this concept well. Tania says to:
“LEARN TO RECOGNISE YOURSELF IN OTHER PEOPLE. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS YOUR MIRROR. IT IS ONLY WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT TRULY MEANS TO SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED BACK AT YOU, THAT THERE IS NO ROOM FOR BLAME, THERE IS NO ROOM FOR JUDGEMENT AND THERE IS NO ROOM TO FEEL LIKE A VICTIM OF ANOTHER PERSON’S ACTIONS OR WORDS. THERE IS ONLY ROOM FOR REAL LOVE BASED ON UNDERSTANDING AND GRATITUDE.”
Essentially we must recognise ourselves in others, understand that repeated behaviour or outcomes often is a result of our own behaviour, the one constant in every situation (relationship) is you, so we need to look within to achieve changes to behaviour and outcomes.
“YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS ARE YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE YOURSELF AND GROW.”
To best understand it Tania lists three categories:
- Our beliefs – “We have all acquired certain beliefs throughout our lifetime that cause us to react and act in certain habitual ways that either support us or don’t.”
- Our Qualities – “The more you dislike a certain quality, the more it is showing you a part of your consciousness that you are not acknowledging.”
- Our Actions – “The more a particular action frustrates you, the more it reflects a part of you that you are not owning…..Ultimately, you teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself.”
When I understood that every reaction I have to others is my responsibility and a reflection of me and not them. All of a sudden I found that it’s not about anyone else but purely a case of being about the relationship I have with myself.
Life is about discovering as much about myself as I can. The more self-love and self-acceptance I have of all my qualities (good and bad), the less doubt and fear is allowed to control me and my thoughts. As a result, I have a higher level of faith and trust in myself and the universe (or higher source) in guiding me to operate from a spiritual versus an ego based perspective. To know I am on the right path (my unique path in life) without worrying about what everyone else is doing.
Hindsight is always a wonderful thing because it helps us to realise why we have behaved the way we have. When we acknowledge this we grow and improve and become the better part of our self. Life becomes much more simple and easier when we consciously do this.